David Denby's Mumblecore and other things

   I read David Denby's article in the New Yorker yesterday on a new genre, what he calls "mumblecore."  This mumblecore genre according to Denby, is largely about lost 20 somethings who are not sure what they want in life and just have conversations about what they feel they may want. This sort of applies to I suppose--my generation

Striving to Find Meaning in a Gloomy Chaotic World

Every day I wake up at 7:20AM, after a long cold war with my alarm clock. I walk 2 miles to the shuttle to go to school every morning fairly often, attend my classes and return home the same route. Out of perhaps restlessness or delayed teenage rebellion, I "mess with" people I fail to respect. People who are just kept around because of well...the very fact they are amusing. It is not too hard to win my respect as I am pretty easily impressed and even respect and cherish those whom others would find just odd or quirky--because I'm also one of those oddballs whom people for whatever crazy reason, find amusing. I like to think of my social life as mobile clown car: you just never know what might pop out or what might happen.

Because I can be manipulative, deceitful and maybe not the best person on this planet...out of guilt and fear especially after I learned that there is reincarnation in Judaism--I've been trying to do a mitzvah or good deed every day so that I won't come back as a cockroach or in paradoxes of paradoxes: as a spider: one of the few things I'm deathly afraid of.

I sometimes wish I could just come back as a crow. They are lower than humans, and maybe I deserve to be one. They are territorial, intelligent, highly social and resourceful and like shiny objects. They are also quite opportunistic and risk their lives to pick up a half eaten taco in the middle of the road and flee seconds before a car runs over the take out box. I also saw a crow couple thoughtfully yank those husky things from palm trees and searchingly seek someplace to store them. What else could they be doing? Spring is around the corner--love is on their minds!

Well that is all that is on my mind!

In Transition

Dear Reader,

I have decided that I will address unknown lurkers that way due to my recent inspiration from the Kate Winslet/Ralph Fiennes film by that title, The Reader. It is a well done piece of work, and raises interesting questions: who has more guilt: Michael (Ralph Fiennes) or Hannah (Kate Winslet)? But the description of a Reader, or in German 'Vorlesser,' is also different than the English equivalent. Apparently in German it means to read aloud. And those who prefer to absorb themselves in an engrossing read than going out on a Saturday night are by nature, passive. So the definition itself foreshadows the overall plot and theme...

I've decided to take up blogging again since Journalspace (TM) has literally gone down the toilet bowl. That was the host of my previous journal, entitled "Sky Watching the World." I did not choose that title--but my wonderful and creative friend Desi chose that for me when were in eighth grade together, about six years ago.

The title is chosen (off the top of my head in between classes here at college) because my life is pretty much in transition. I'm soon going to be between two definite points of my life: College and Job/Graduate School. Frankly, I'm a bit terrified in having an indefinite unstable blank slate for once. At the same time however, I'm excited, but breathlessly so. My nervousness is going to benefit my therapist since I will have much more to discuss with her. But unfortunately, being nervous about life is nothing new and nothing terribly interesting. I have learned its what I choose to do that makes at least my life to me interesting. I've lived my life so far just to make things fascinate myself: to entertain myself.

I've considered all sorts of ideas, suggestions, and propositions from many well meaning people. I've thought about law school, internships, graduate school, parttime jobs, driving etc. And while all the aforementioned sound wonderful indeed there is only so much time!

I've started the process in researching graduate schools. The catalogue of American University's School of International Service is keeping me company at night along with a Victoria's Secret catalog, the latest issue of the Economist, and of course my laptop. Georgetown is a pipe dream but I think I have to work past the intimidation to actually apply. Schools in Europe are another thing: I want to be sure of my goal(s) before I do apply. But before all that, I have to start preparing for the tests: the GRE, the LSAT. And before I take the tests, I want to take prep classes over the summer and take a parttime job to save money for graduate school and get experience. In short, I need to start taking steps to reach the ultimate goal: graduate school and whatelse follows that.

Also age is creeping up on me. I sometimes forget classmates' names and I can tell some may be a tad irritated. They remember mine, and my forgetting theirs may send a message of: I think I'm the big shot, and you're not worth remembering. I hope they don't feel that way. Maybe sometimes I do feel superior to some, but to be honest: I get nervous around new people quite often at times that I hide behind my aloofness as a defense mechanism.

I hope to post on this new blog more frequently. My practical goal is to try to post weekly at least. Maybe even more! Happy new year!

M